What You Need to Know When You're Thinking About Separating
When I went through my separation, I had no idea what steps to take. Most people don’t, unless they’ve been through it before.
So, I turned to Google - and I googled a lot!
I discovered a mix of confusing, informative, and conflicting information.
Now, three years later, I have gained significant knowledge on the topic as a Separation Consultant, Counsellor, and Coach.
So, I'm here to provide you with straightforward guidance so you won't have to spend hours searching!
Disclaimer: This is general information, not legal advice, and is relevant to Australian Family Law - each country and jurisdiction will be different. You should always get legal advice about your own circumstances before making decisions about your finances, property, children or divorce.
Separation and divorce are not the same thing
Separation is when your relationship ends. Divorce is the legal ending of your marriage.
They are not the same process.
If you're married, you generally need to have been separated for at least 12 months and one day before you can apply for a divorce in Australia.
But you don't need to wait 12 months to start sorting out your finances, property or parenting arrangements.
In fact, divorce, property settlement and parenting arrangements are 3 separate things:
1. The divorce of the marriage
This is the legal process that ends your marriage.
You can apply for divorce jointly, with you and your former partner making the application together, or you can make a sole application. With a sole application, the other person generally needs to be formally served with the application.
2. The ‘divorce of the finances’
This isn't a legal term - it's just how I like to think of it.
Your financial relationship is a separate issue from the legal ending of your marriage.
You can work out your property and financial settlement after separation without waiting for the divorce.
A financial settlement is about legally finalising the financial relationship between you and your former partner - including property, savings, investments, superannuation, and debts.
And there is an important time limit to be aware of…
If you are married, an application for financial or property orders generally needs to be made within 12 months of your divorce becoming final. If you were in a de facto relationship, the general time limit is two years from the breakdown of the relationship. If you're outside those timeframes, you may need the Court's permission to proceed.
You don't necessarily need to go to court to finalise your finances. Many couples reach an agreement and formalise it through consent orders or another appropriate legal arrangement.
Getting your financial settlement sorted can also give you something that is often really valuable after separation: Certainty.
It can help draw a line under the financial relationship so that you can start making decisions about your own future.
What if you're still living together?
This is much more common than people realise…
You might have separated but still be living in the same house because you can't afford two homes yet.
You might have children and want to keep things stable while you work out what happens next.
You might be waiting for the house to sell.
Or you may simply need time to work out the practical arrangements.
You can be separated while living under the same roof.
However, if you've been living together during the 12 months before applying for divorce, you'll need to provide additional evidence to the Court explaining the circumstances and demonstrating that the marriage had ended. This is generally done through affidavits, and the Court may require supporting evidence from an independent person.
There are also practical considerations with Services Australia.
If you're separated but still living together, you need to tell Services Australia about the change in your relationship status. Both parties will generally need to complete the Relationship details – Separated under one roof (SS293) form, so Services Australia can assess whether you should be treated as single or partnered for payment purposes.
Don't assume that simply moving into separate bedrooms automatically changes how Centrelink treats your circumstances. Tell them what has happened and provide the information they ask for.
3. What about the kids?
Separation doesn't automatically mean you need to go to court to work out parenting arrangements.
Parents can agree on arrangements for their children themselves, and parenting arrangements can be documented in different ways, including a parenting plan or, where appropriate, consent orders.
A parenting plan is a written agreement between parents about the care of their children. It can cover things like where the children live, time with each parent, holidays, birthdays, travel, school arrangements and how major decisions will be made.
If you can't agree, there are other options available, including family dispute resolution and, in some circumstances, applying to the Court for parenting orders.
The important thing to remember is that your parenting arrangements don't have to look like anyone else's.
What works for one family may not work for another.
And then there's the other ‘stuff’ to deal with…
The practical, financial, and legal aspects of separation are only part of the story.
There’s also You.
Your routines, friendships, and parenting situations are all changing.
Additionally, your internal world is shifting - your identity, confidence, and self-worth may all be affected.
You might be grieving the loss of a relationship, a future you envisioned, or simply the life you once knew. This is true even if you wanted the separation, even if you know it’s the right decision, and even if you feel relief. It can still be incredibly difficult.
Separation is a big deal
Going through a separation can be incredibly challenging, and it’s perfectly normal to feel a whirlwind of emotions. It’s important to recognise that this transition is significant, and research shows it can have a deep effect on our psychological wellbeing.
So if you're feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, angry, relieved, sad, anxious…. be kind to yourself - you're going through a major life transition.
Separation changes your external world, but it also changes your internal world
Both parts matter - and you deserve support for both.
Need help with the practical side of separation?
If you're in Australia and thinking about separating or have recently separated, you can book a free consultation with one of the Separation Consultants at Simple Separation. They can help you understand your options and work through the practical steps involved in separating.
Need support with the other stuff?
If you need someone to help you ride the waves of emotion, make clear and informed decisions, and work out what the next steps, and your next chapter, look like for you, I can help.